Leaked: 2028 Olympic Games Locations

Madeline Tran

4x400 Relay: The I-405 and I-5 during peak Rush Hour 

Even from downtown Santa Ana, the effects of LA rush hour traffic are noticeable. And as lines of cars stretch out across these sister highways, they make the perfect runway for the Olympic relay events. In a La La Land-esque fashion, competitors must navigate the sea of vehicles and find their teammates in the mayhem. 

Alternative: Each relay team must work together in a large industrial semi-truck trailer to navigate through traffic, armed with nothing but Waze, and once through traffic, they must find parking in Koreatown or any parking garage off of Third Street Promenade. 

Fencing: Erewhon 

Having found fame in their smoothies ($20) and olive oil ($30), what better place to host the lesser-known sport than the overpriced influencer supermarket? In an almost mutualistic relationship, fencing gains some more fans and brand-deals, and Erewhon gains a newer audience to sell their tote bags ($225) to. 

Gymnastics: So-fi Stadium

With an Olympic team consisting of the great Simone Biles and upcomers like Stephen Nedoroscik, naturally these gymnasts require a stadium fit for their stardom. And what better place for said stardom than the glorious So-Fi stadium, which previously housed the elaborate Circus Maximus and Eras Tour? With 360-views and a killer-sound system, gymnastics events are further glamorized into a full-fledged performance. 

Cycling: Mulholland Drive

This iconic staple of LA history will become even more iconic with the image of cyclists speeding up and down it. Due to the road’s narrowness and twists, cyclists are constantly on edge as they compete to make it to the finish line while also coming out alive. And if the road proves to be too much? Feel free to stop by any of the celebrity homes that reside on the iconic Mulholland drive address. I’m sure Kendall Jenner and Paris Hilton would love to host a sweaty cyclist. 

Marathon: LAX traffic 

Picture this: cars honking, lost Ubers and Lyfts making illegal U-turns, parents yelling at their children to hurry up and get out of the car, and 160 marathon runners racing