Each Conservatory as a Bagel

Naomi Herthel

Congratulations! You have officially arrived at inarguably the most meaningful and important article in this month’s issue. Disclaimer: this is not an opinion article. This piece is pure fact. If you disagree with any of the following information, you disagree with science. Here is each conservatory represented as a different type of bagel.

We begin with the School of Fine & Media Arts. Most obviously, Integrated Arts would be an everything bagel. Students in this conservatory are talented in a myriad of disciplines, just like these bagels’ seasoning, made up of all sorts of salts, dried onions, garlic and seeds. Creative Writing would be a cinnamon raisin bagel because while raisins alone often receive hate (as does plain academic writing), when combined with the sweet cinnamon of creativity, the bagel’s taste is irresistible. Film & Television would be an onion bagel, as onions have layers, just like the layers of teamwork required for success in this conservatory. The Design & Media conservatory would be a blueberry bagel because their eyes are definitely damaged from all the blue light they stare at. Visual Arts would be a poppy seed bagel because poppy seeds are tiny, resembling the fine detail and precision of most visual art. While not a bagel, Arts & Enterprise would be the cream cheese because their foundational and unifying work enhances the overall experience and 'taste' of the entertainment industry.

As for the School of Dance, Ballet Folkorico would be a garlic bagel. Their performances are lively, exciting and have a little kick. Ballet & Contemporary Dance would be a sesame bagel– simple and cohesive, resembling the poised and put-together nature of ballerinas. Ballroom Dance would be bagel bombs, as they are a small conservatory packed with talent (or cream cheese). Commercial Dance would be a pretzel bagel because this unique bread is known for its twists and turns.

The School of Music combined would be a bagel sandwich because each of their instruments (or sandwich components) work in orchestration to create beautiful harmony.

Moving onto the School of Theatre, the Acting conservatory would be a Crogel, a croissant and bagel hybrid. This is because actors storytell through embodying different characters, similar to how this croissant just wants to be a bagel so bad. Musical Theater would be a rainbow bagel due to their radiant energy and captivating stage presence. Production & Design would be a pizza bagel because this meal requires construction, just how a production crew does lots of heavy building and behind-the-scenes crafting.

Lastly, from the School of Applied Arts, the Culinary Arts & Hospitality conservatory would be a homemade french toast bagel. Need I elaborate?