Hallowed Be Thy Rank

Selah Sanchez

As the year closes out, I have begun to reflect on all that’s been written in Evolution this year, and it seems like this round of issues saw a lot of ranking or list articles. Not to discredit any of our fantastic writers. But as someone wise once said, “what goes around comes around.” As such, I will be ranking rank articles of this year’s Evolution repertoire. Please note, that this is entirely subjective, and just because another is not on here does not make it inferior. This is just for funsies. Just a little laugh.

5. Underrated OCSA Alumni, by Lacole Yang, in the 2022 December Issue

It’s articles like these that make me happier than anything. Why? It’s a good reminder that Matthew Morrison is not the only person ever that has graduated from our school (oh, and that other guy, I forgot his name. Peter? Pasquale? He’s probably not important). Enough said. Check some of the alumni out!

4. Legal Things that Feel Illegal, by Lauren Kim, in the 2022 November Issue

What struck me while reading this article was the variety. Many of the acts in the article are quite relatable, such as telling the barber you don’t like your haircut. Some of them are unexpected, and yet understandable in an unspoken way, such as drinking orange juice outside. Lauren’s witty asides and solutions across the article are equally amusing as well.

3. Instagram PFP Slander by Lauren Kim, in the 2023 March Issue

Back to back on the list with ‘Legal Things that Feel Illegal.’ Kim’s biting humor returns, wittier than ever. Each profile receives an equal amount of shade, in a creative and all-too-real way once again. No matter who you are, you will feel bad. And that is exactly what she wants. For these reasons, I will not comment on the accuracy of my own profile photo.

2. Chairs. (Chairs) by James Yi, in the 2022 October Issue

When I first heard the idea, I was hardly sure it would work. However, the flippant and down-to-earth way in which Yi writes about each specific chair, and the carefully curated quotes from his interviewees, prove hie is a master of his craft. And I do agree with him. Those orange chairs in T500 are quite nice to sit on.

Before we reveal our number one, I would also like to give an honorable mention to Faith Hochgesang’s edition of Senioritis in the November Issue. Though more of a list than a ranking, it proved to be of great help to many seniors applying to college, including me, and it felt refreshing.

1. How to Lose an OCSA Guy in 10 Days by Tabitha Finamore and Sammi Thomas, in the 2023 February Issue

Teeming with inside humor, this article is a joy to read, and it’s always nice to poke some good-natured fun at our ‘unique school culture,’ given your ego is not fragile. My personal favorite red flag is number twenty-three: You Enjoyed the OCSA Straight Boys Article.

And there you have it! Hopefully your curiosity has been quenched, and you might be inspired to revisit these articles!