Horses: Yay or Neigh?

Scooter Beaudoin

No, you did not read that title wrong. Equus caballus, also known by its common name, The Horse, is the best animal ever to exist. Now, you may be questioning my logic with this vastly wild claim. I can see my readers scratching their heads while making an expression that only represents a primal reaction of confusion to something like this. You may say to me, “But Scooter, I thought your favorite animals were centipedes!” And while they are my favorite animal, I’m allowed to relish in the beauty of the Horse, with their luscious locks billowing in the wind and the clattering of their hooves as they gallop in green fields filled with flowers and sunshine. No one can possibly hate horses, and if they do, then personally, that’s a HUGE red flag.

Horses have been carrying us Homo sapiens on their backs for as long as they’ve been around: from wagons, barrels and even toddlers with their grubby little hands at the fair. When have you ever heard of a case of a horse killing someone? Never. That’s because horses are calm and full of balance. There’s even a type of therapy that involves horses, which is just more proof that they’re so awesome. Thanks to horses working the laborious jobs too hard for us humans, we have been able to go places we never could’ve been able to travel to on foot. This proves the loyalty and the subtle nobility of their aptitude. To have the honor of riding a mighty horse into battle, its neighs mixing in with your battle cries would be a truly beautiful scene.

If you looked into the mirror and questioned who was the fairest in all the land, a horse would show up. Their muzzles at the perfect curve, their smooth manes falling down to their shoulders, the sound of their hooves clapping and their majestic neighs. Those neighs are the pinnacle of communication among all animals. And when you look into the eyes of a horse you can clearly tell what they’re thinking. Such a complex-looking animal, yet so simple.

In fact, horses are so legendary that plenty of media has been based around them. From the hit children’s television show that has a mostly adult fanbase, “My Little Pony,” to the beautifully animated movie, “Spirit.” Even Disney has their fair share of lovable equines to go around. Many of your favorite westerns’ have horses as well, as gun-slinging cowboys ride out into the distance with tumbleweeds and dry land galore.

Now let’s discuss the elephant in the room, or shall I say HORSE in the room. (Hahaha) there’s a stigma behind having a simple appreciation for these stallions. The stereotype,“horse girls,” are typically known as young girls obsessed with horses that make it their entire personality. There is nothing wrong with this; in fact, if there was a boy version of a horse girl, that would be me. We could call it, “Almighty Stallions” and the gender-neutral version would be called, “Galloping Ganderers.”

In conclusion, my genius is fueled by the equestrian beasts galloping freely in the mountains of my mind. Neigh.