I'm Him.

Lauren Kim

I’ve been thinking lately, what if I were a man? Do y'all ever fantasize about this, or is it just me? I don’t want to get canceled so please hear me out.

My male name would be Laurence. My lord. That’s so hot.

Looks-wise, I just know that I would be godly attractive–like hello? I’d be “Lucifer type” handsome. Dark but delicate. I would have the most perfect skin, glossy obsidian hair and a pair of icy blue eyes. My voice would be deep, but I would still have one of those cute boyish laughs. Let’s not forget I’d be 6’2 and jacked . Just imagine my compression shirt-gray sweats-Airpods Max combo with these specs. Girls would start lining up to get a piece of me. If I were to compare my physical appearance to a song, I would look like “Lost Soul” by NBSPLV.

I honestly wouldn’t know what to do if I was a man. I’d be super egotistical. Should I go around playing around, breaking girls’ hearts or settling with one nice girl? Chances are I’d be more likely to go with the latter because I’d be a man of good morality. But I’d still spend some time ghosting DMs and making multiple girls manifest my love for them. Like girl, I ain’t gonna reply…chill with the delusion. I would lead on so many girls and hit ‘em with the classic “I’m not ready for a relationship.”

After this player phase, I would invest more time in constructing sophisticated hobbies and becoming a better person. I would read books on philosophy, astrology and spend my free time writing poetry. Because someday, I will be writing poems for the one.

I will never let my girl beg for the bare minimum. In fact, since I already understand girl psychology, I would treat her the way she wants to be treated . I’d take her out on dates, introduce her to the boys, my family and while I'm at it I'd give her my black card, drive my passenger princess wherever she wants to go and so much more. Online, I would text her good morning/night, update her on the things I’m doing (with pictures, that's important), send her random paragraphs declaring, no, professing my everlasting appreciation and love for her, block all girls and DM requests, post pictures of her, call her when she needs reassurance and send sweet voice messages.

Man, I would treat her so well. But obviously, I expect to receive her love, effort, and loyalty in return. There are so many girls who deserve this treatment, and it truly breaks my heart when my pretty girl friends cry over a man that looks like he only got a free trial on earth.

I hope this daydream of mine can deliver a universal message to the male population, especially for this generation. Chivalry is considered a luxury treatment nowadays, so it’s time to normalize it. This applies to women as well. Please treat your man right.

Anyways, I hope I’m this person in another universe.