Table of Contents
Production and Design Goes on Strike, School of Theater Flounders
caitlyn mason
Hide and Seek: OCSA Edition
rajsi rana
Students Occupy First Floor of Tower, Symphony Hall in Coup D’Etat Attempt
Grant Li
April 1, 2022
A student revolutionary group led by self-appointed leaders from the Integrated Arts, Production and Design and Musical Theater conservatories seized control of strategic locations in the Tower and Symphony Hall this morning, a significant victory for the rebels in the ongoing coup d’etat attempt against the OCSA Administration. This may mark a Turning Point in the current war of attrition against the dictatorial Admin.
Significant captured territories include T100, the former headquarters and war room of the Administration, and T101, the counselor’s office and home to the council of advisors to Principal Michael Ciecek. Without these critical bases of operations, the enemy’s defense effort is crippled and victory is within sight, says a Culinary general who wishes to remain anonymous.
“The counselors gave up without much of a fight,” recounts a participant of the raid on T101. “It was honestly a bit surprising, but I guess they already deal with so much B.S. from students on a regular basis that this doesn’t surprise them anymore.”
The student also claims that the only obstacle standing between the rebels and taking over the entire first floor is Mr. Chris Dion—quite literally, because all he does is stand with his arms crossed outside his classroom and glower at the students down the hall, which is enough to scare them away from his territory.
On the other side of 10th Street, Symphony Hall has been converted into a mess hall and common room for volunteer revolutionaries, which is practically the entire student population. Free snacks are provided every day at 3:00pm on a first come, first serve basis (raided from the vending machines, which were the first pieces of OCSA property taken by the insurgents).
The current insurrection is the latest in a series of acts of rebellion against the oppressive OCSA machine. The last attempt occurred in the early days of the pandemic, May 2020, when the Louis Tonkovich Liberation Army succeeded in bleeding the administration of $100,000 by vandalism and legal battle. Since then, the Admin has shored up its defenses against student uprisings, but an onslaught of injustices since the beginning of the 2021-2022 school year prompted a new wave of protests, including the mysterious 2nd floor smell, the creation of the Arts & Enterprise conservatory and the straw that broke the camel’s back, the cancellation of Senior Ditch Day.
As of the time of writing, the revolt has lasted for three days and has mostly come to a standstill. Annex teachers have used their endemic, horribly mutated cockroaches as a wall of defense against any invader. The DMS is a messy jungle of guerilla fighting and locker vandalism. No group has touched the VAC building because no group remembers it exists.
Meanwhile, the generals of the revolutionary group have already begun to draw up plans for the new student-run administration set to replace the current one. “I’m thinking a post-scarcity anarcho-syndicalist commune,” says a prominent Creative Writing advisor to the core leadership. “Emphasize mutual aid, chromebook redistribution, that sort of thing. Free face-sized cookies for everyone.”
“Honestly, I thought this whole thing was a big, improvised method acting exercise,” says the student head of the Acting conservatory. “I didn’t know we were being serious about overthrowing anything.”
OCSA Admin’s Secret Plan Uncovered, Cloning Lab Raided
Selah Sanchez
An underground organization of student journalists has recently thwarted a sinister plan by members of the OCSA Administration. Listening devices installed in their staff meetings had been gathering intelligence on a plot for world domination, involving clones of renowned alum and “Glee” star, Matthew Morrison.
These recordings detailed the openings of new campuses expanding statewide to worldwide. Slowly, students would become tools of the state, using their artistic skills to create propaganda while the clones kept dissenters from escaping the schools-turned-labor camps as guards of a corpocratic regime. The 35th Anniversary performance–namely the altered writing pieces and strenuous rehearsals leading to it–intended to prime students for life in these camps.
Nearly 5 million dollars from donations over the years had been funneled into black market resources and funding for clone development. Nearly 50 clones had been created. Within the next year, the army would have matched the student population of OCSA itself.
The clones were found by undercover investigators on the forbidden eighth floor of the Tower crowded in wire mesh cages lined with straw, strumming out-of-tune ukuleles, attempting to practice vocal warm ups and shooting practice targets. Many were starved, and in poor health. Pictures were taken of the conditions, and these along with transcripts of the meetings were placed into pamphlets left discreetly in bathrooms and bookshelves. Students were appalled.
“It’s disturbing. He might have traumatized us as ‘the Grinch,’ but he’s still a person!” One student was reported to say. Something had to be done, both about Admin’s vision for the school, and the clones. Recruitments for the raid began, and training lasted about two months, in secret.
On Sunday, the raid was carried out. Students of all conservatories stormed the Tower during Office Hours and held classes and admin hostage as they searched for the plans for the labor camps. Elevators and stairs were crowded. Students busted through the lab, destroying equipment and pulling apart the mesh cages that held the Matthew Morrisons. Upon being released, they sang their gratitude in a musical mash-up performance that included “Feeling Good” by Michael Buble and “You Can’t Stop the Beat” from the musical Hairspray, which was unfortunately cut short by a chemical fire. After three days of destruction, the plans were found in a safe within the Totem Pole.
Terran Shaffer, Michael Cieciek, and the deans now await trials for crimes against the state, and the clones will be released into the wild in the following days.
The New Gotham: Chaos Reigns on OCSA Campus, Teren Shaffer Steps up as New Vigilante “Communist Crusher”
Felix Brem
Over the last week, student radicals have rallied in an attempt to replace OCSA Administration with a communist government and rename the school ‘Our Communist School of the Arts.’ In response, a new capitalist vigilante stepped out of the shadows this Wednesday to enact justice. Just like Bruce Wayne, this vigilante is at the forefront of an organization, but also leads a secret double life.
On Wednesday, the Communist Crusher was first spotted preventing student forces from flooding the staircases with Arizona Iced Tea. The witness, an anonymous member of the Leadership Peace Corps, says that Teren Shaffer threatened to implement “restorative practices” on the student forces, effectively scaring them away.
According to the witness, Shaffer’s disguise involves a leftover P&D costume and several rolls of duct tape. His official alter ego may be the Communist Crusher, but the witness notes that “since his mask is just colored paper, everyone knows it’s that CEO guy.”
Shaffer can often be heard shouting “stop that morally ambiguous activity!” and “students may not use the elevator without an elevator pass during class time,” although the latter seems unnecessary since class time has widely been replaced by tomfoolery and illegal crimes.
Shaffer has also been seen making citizen arrests of students illegally changing their transcripts, stealing food resources from admin and dying their hair green in school sinks to appear similar to Joaquin Phoenix's “The Joker.” However, students who remain neutral wonder whether this lone vigilante will be enough to stem the growing chaos.
“I’m worried that this event will significantly tarnish OCSA’s reputation, even considering Mr. Shaffer’s vigilante work,” says Arts and Enterprise junior Grant Li. “If we become known for communism rather than the arts, I might not be hired for my dream Wall Street job!”
So far OCSA’s campus has seen more damage than it did in the [REDACTED] incident of 1992. Vandalism has run rampant, resulting in thousands of dollars of property damage.
Having retreated to an undisclosed floor of the Tower, Admin waits for Gala profits to afford repairs. State troopers have been called in to control the rebellion, but are experiencing “technical difficulties due to traffic,” according to Lieutenant Howard. “Freeways these days.”
Meanwhile, the communist uprising shows no signs of slowing. A copy of the rebellion’s manifesto, which will replace the student handbook in the event of communist victory, is stapled to the totem pole. It bears the motto: “OCSA is Gotham, and we are the Joker.”
Admin has also informed whichever students still read their emails that the gender neutral bathrooms have once again been closed because Admin will find any reason to close them.
Production and Design Goes on Strike, School of Theater Flounders
Caitlyn Mason
Following OCSA’s attempt at instituting a boarding-school program specifically for Production and Design students, the conservatory in its entirety has gone on strike.
In preparation for Musical Theatre’s upcoming production of “The Spongebob Musical,” OCSA administration made the decision to convert the Annex, recently renamed “The Chum Bucket,” into a dormitory, making it easier and more convenient for the hard-working production crew to spend borderline exploitive hours working.
“We saw the importance of tech week in OCSA’s student culture,” Administration said, “so we thought, ‘why not make every week tech week?’”
However, after one member of the production’s crew was found asleep with a spatula in one hand and a Krabby Patty in the other, the crew of “Spongebob” decided enough was enough.
“Since I moved into the Annex, my life has become “Spongebob,”” said one student, who wished to remain anonymous, “I eat, sleep and breathe Bikini Bottom.”
Upon hearing the grievances of their “Spongebob”-confined classmates, members of the Production and Design conservatory made the decision to go on strike.
In order to resume production on “The Spongebob Musical,” members of the crew demanded OCSA limit their hours of work to reasonably meet federal child labor requirements, as well as release the students from the then-locked dormitories.
“Spongebob’s pineapple under the sea is probably more comfortable than the Annex,” commented one student, “at least the pineapple had windows.”
Two weeks after the strike began, Musical Theatre opted to host an acapella, no-tech production of “The Spongebob Musical” on the Annex blacktop, which was subsequently cut short by an impromptu #MSquad half-court basketball game.
Following the failure that was the “Spongebob” production, the School of Theatre has opted not to put on any shows, not in solidarity with Production and Design students, but with the competitors of the #MSquad March Madness tournament being hosted this April on the Annex blacktop.
Hide and Seek: OCSA Edition (Best Places to Hide at OCSA)
Rajsi Rana
If OCSA was an elementary school, students would likely have endless hours of fun, running through the seven floors in the tower, throughout the DMS and through the seemingly endless Annex. Although we are a middle and highschool, who says hide and seek is just for kids? Here are some of the best spots to hide in.
Room Inside the Creative Writing Basement
The Creative Writing basement itself remains a mystery to the seemingly majority of students, who when told about the library immediately react with we have a library?! This, in combination with the small room at the far end within the library makes it one of the best hiding spots on campus.
Roof of Second Floor Garden
The second floor garden remains underclassmen and middle-school dominated, as students, after the garden’s state of newness wears off, retreat to 10th street and the street behind the DMS instead. The roof runs parallel to the garden, and is easily accessible. Because a large portion of the roof is blocked by the Tower, it is quite a hidden place—unless someone happens to look down from the tower windows and sees you.
Blue Crates in the Tower Parking Lot
There has been a new addition to the OCSA campus—the blue crates. If they have an official name, many students, including myself, are unaware. There are about six of them now, and although most of them are completely open except for the basic structure, a few allow you to stay unnoticed between the back of the crate and the white wall that encloses the parking lot.
VAC Parking Lot
The VAC is an unexplored territory for most students who are not in VA or have never had a class in the VAC. Only those, as well as seniors sneaking off to Starbucks and happen to pass by the VAC on their way, really know it is there. For middle-school students, many of your peers will not think to look here.
The Webb
The Webb is very accurately named. It truly is a web of hallways, with multiple staircases, elevators and storage rooms. Though some people, who have classes in the Webb, may know it better than others, does anyone really know all the secrets it holds?
Janitors Closet on First Floor of the Tower
Freshman who are currently enrolled in Health and Global Studies classes tend to spend more time there than others strolling through the first floor. Some of them may have noticed a staircase tucked in the second hallway on the first floor. As a curious ninth grader four years ago, I decided to walk up the staircase and see what it was. It wasn’t anything exciting—a janitor’s closet—but I felt excited that I had discovered the secret of the mysterious staircase.
There you have it, the best hiding places throughout OCSA’s campus. Warning: Don’t wander too far off campus, or you may find yourself at the taco truck instead.