Senioritis

Brie Samaniego

I've been reading senioritis for four years now, waiting for this opportunity, and yet here I am, graduating in less than two months, and I still don't feel “senior” enough to be writing this. And what can I say about senior year that hasn't been already heard a million times? We’ll miss the live bands on 10th Street, the performances, going to  Fourth Street—it's bittersweet, we all know. 

It's pretty common for people to joke about having senioritis since freshman year. And yeah, we've all been burnt out and exhausted for quite some time now, but what makes “sophomoritis” or “junioritis” different from the real “senioritis”? 

Besides the obvious fact that graduation seems to be the only thing we can think of (for better or for worse), what even is senioritis anyways? For me, it's beyond not being able to show up to school on time or turn in assignments when they are actually due, especially because I happen to be moving across the country. I've gone from wishing away every day to constantly thinking “my life is never going to be like this again.”

I think senioritis is constant contradiction. 

It's fighting your way through every day of school while trying to be happy and create lifelong memories. It's staying on top of finals, projects and AP tests while trying to celebrate your “lasts” of high school. It's longing for a fresh start while being terrified of leaving everything behind. While senioritis may make you feel like procrastinating, there is no procrastinating this anymore. That final date in the calendar is nearing, and there’s no extensions on this one, like it or not. 

In my opinion, senioritis is clinical. It should be researched, studied, written about in textbooks. It's hard to imagine anyone survives this without being permanently changed. Maybe that's just part of “the journey” or whatever you wanna call it, but this is way worse than your standard growing pains. I'm surprised and a little disappointed that there hasn't been government funded research for a cure. Maybe I'm dramatic but there are few (if any) things that are quite like being a graduating high school senior. 

The way that I personally have been coping with this vague sad/nostalgic-ish feeling is pulling my phone out every five seconds to make a “vlog” on Snapchat. I picked this up thanks to a friend who encouraged me to download the app for this very reason and honestly, I'm addicted. I've never been very good with “being present” or “staying in the moment” but with vlogs, it doesn't matter how fleeting moments were. I can watch them back and remember almost exactly what I was feeling. 

Sometimes I find myself listening to “Ribs” by Lorde on repeat or putting on “Lady Bird” for the third time this week and I think of how surreal it all is. I've been preparing myself for this for the past four years but now that it's here, I feel woefully unprepared. 

It's gotten to the point where it doesn't matter if I feel senior enough or not. If oversharing in the senioritis section of the school newspaper doesn’t make me a senior, I honestly don't know what does.